Dangerous keys

The Internet is a great place. It's where I spend most of my time.

So it's no surprise that I found the Shakespeare Quote Generator. In an effort to put off my upcoming exams (and to celebrate the fact that I miraculously solved a price discrimination problem involving not one, not two, but multiple derivatives) I decided to spend some time fiddling with the Bard.

The gist is this: the page substitutes your word or phrase into classical Shakespeare. Here, my attempts to apply a long-dead writer to the vexing issues of the day. (Or, a random mashup of news headlines and iambic pentameter.)

Which yields:"

"Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more. Men were deceivers ever. One foot in Craig's bathroom stall and one on shore, to one thing constant never."

"How now, you secret, black and midnight Osama in Waziristan!"

"How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have thankless Iranian nukes!"

"Blow, blow, thou winter wind. Thou art not so unkind as a Cowboys Super Bowl bid."

"Falling US Dollar, Falling US Dollar! Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say falling US dollar till it be morrow."

"To be or not to be: that is Senator Vitter's small penis."

I can't really end on a more positive note than that.