Help, my makeup is taking over my face

I used to scrub my face before working out. Now, in a more laissez-faire (or more fittingly, lazy-fair) approach to life, I just let it molder before taking it off at the end of the day.

I've come to accept mascaras, blushes and tints - essentially, paint-like gloop for the face - as part of my skin. But imagine my surprise today. I got dressed and put on eye makeup. I had lunch with a friend, went to two classes, trekked several miles through the Siberian sleet that apparently constitutes an Evanston spring, took a Pilates class, went for a swim, and showered. Yet when I reached up to brush my hair out of my face afterwards, I was shocked to realize that my eyelashes were still crunchy.

Anything that clings to skin with such ardor - resisting water, oil, chlorine, snow, and sweat - must have more devastating long-range effects than Agent Orange. Isn't water supposed to be the universal solvent? What otherworldly crap am I spackling on each day?