What would Mata Hari call it?

There are few things that stir the blood in American veins as much as espionage tales. It's the American dream, but with a badass Ninja flavor that recalls the Old World. According to these stories, anyone with courage, determination and Internet access can become James Bond or Jason Bourne. Or at least a halfway decent imitation.

Most modern covert operations - those that take place on college campuses, anyway -involve alcohol, sex, or the overly optimistic hope that one will lead to the other. And while I love chilling outside the dining hall, smoking a string of imaginary cigarettes while waiting for my best friend's secret crush to appear, or handing off cartons of Franzia to an unmarked van full of freshmen, I feel like there's something missing.

I finally realized what it was. It's the name. Imagine, for a moment, that Operation Iraqi Freedom was instead called Operation Fruitless Search for WMD's in the Vast Deserts of the Middle East. Would that have inspired millions of young Americans to think up ways to evade the draft? Or what if Operation Northwoods had instead been called Operation Cause Suspicious Accidents and Blame Them On Cuba? The US public certainly wouldn't have slept through that one. What about Operation Ajax? If the CIA had settled for calling it Operation Remove Nationalist Prime Minister Mohammed Mossadegh from Power and Support the Western-Friendly Pahlavi Dynasty in Iran...well, just reading the name is like sitting through a world history lecture back in high school.

It's not just the CIA. The DEA is famous for its covert ops. What about Operation Black Gold Rush? Damn, that sounds sexy. A hell of a lot more fun times than Operation Holy Shit Don't Shoot Me but That's a Lot of Black Tar Heroin.

Or what about the recent Operation Jacket Racket? It sounds like an arcade game, the kind cool kids played back in the 80's (not that anyone was all that cool in the 80's). In fact, considering how important name is to the image of a covert op, I think both the CIA and the DEA need boots on the ground in the naming department.

Here are some of the suggestions I would give.

CIA:
Operation Obama...We Mean, Osama
Operation Oops We Did it Again
Operation Enduring Quagmire
Operation Howzabout These Guns
Operation Shmoperation

DEA:
Operation Smooth Dealin'
Operation I Like Big Busts and I Cannot Lie
Operation You Should Have Just Said No
Operation Is That An Eight Ball in Your Pocket...No, Really, Is It?